i h a v e h e a v y b o o t s
stop whatever you’re doing
you’ll be ok
if you see this, somebody cares
times are tough, but somebody cares.
you should NEVER feel like you deserve to die, and you don’t
don’t do it. not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever
don’t do it because somebody cares
don’t do it because there is so much more to you than sadness
I have to stop myself from thinking of poets as people
who are easily fuckable. Two weeks ago I woke up
at 4:30 AM after dreaming about the man I love having
a wet dream about me dreaming about him;
see, I don’t remember how to hook up with boys from bars
without feeding them pickup lines about the various kinds
of medication I’m currently taking.
My college roommate’s name is Paul and I followed him
all the way to New York just to listen to the sound
of the silences between his silences,
but sometimes I wish I could change Paul in
for my eleventh-grade crush, who always said bullshit
instead of I love you when I made him come
in the backseat of his brother’s car.
The periodic table is just a habit.
I like to think of myself as the most unstable element,
Francium. The gases that implode if you so much
as look at them, the elements that don’t have room
for any more electrons in their outer shells.
We hung apologies from our shoulderblades
like epaulettes and found that in the end, they were too
heavy to keep us upright.
Poets are easily fuckable, to me, because they’re empathetic.
They cry when they come and rub your back
when you can’t. But after eighteen years of dating pitfalls,
I’m finally ready to accept the fact that my body
is something like a grenade, a rising crescendo,
and not even a poet’s honesty could soften
all the ways that I have trouble letting people in.
I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.